Finding the balance...

In our crazy, hectic, 100mph, nonstop lives, it is so important to FIND YOUR BALANCE! I hear so many people say things like "I just don't have the time," "I work full time," "I have kids."

I'll be honest, I use to be one of those people.  Not anymore.  I am here to tell you that if I CAN find balance.  You can find balance.  Is it always easy?  No, but what important things in life are easy? 

Here is some background on why I needed to find balance and how I found it. To start off with I have kids (2 pinballs in human form that are constant noise and motion...).  I work full time WITH OTHER PEOPLES KIDS, middle schoolers none the less (I know, I don't know WHAT I was thinking....). Also, in the past five years while I was working full time I was also earning a masters degree and working towards a PhD.  On top of my work and family life, I am always training for a race of some kind (half marathon, full marathon, Ragnar Relays, etc.). 

The first thing you do in order to find your balance is erase the mindset that I DONT HAVE TIME and replace it with I WILL MAKE TIME. Here's why. You're stressed because you "don't have time" so you panic, you freak out, you become disorganized, ticked off, irritable and really generally not fun to be around. You're going to have to do the work whether you "have the time" or not, so how about we put the excuses on hold (personally I'd just toss them out the fucking window, but that's just me) and dig deep and find your balance.

Second, prioritize, determine the “why” for the things that need to be done, set limits and boundaries, make yourself a priority (which just an FYI when you do that your family realizes they are a bigger priority because you become less of a crazed looking lunatic running around like a five year old hopped on Jolt and pixie sticks...yes, I went there) and get rid of the bullshit (you know, those things you don't really need to do but insist you do...). Once you can manage this your life will balance out, you'll feel the calm settle over you and life will become far more rewarding.

SO now you're thinking, these are big and grand ideas, but how do I do this? Here are some tips:

1. Break your life into its respective sections (yes I realize they all weave together, but just try...): home/family, work, social life/friends, etc. Now take a minute and really think about each of these areas and how you "wish" you could improve on them or on the specific aspects of each that you may be letting slide.

2. Now use some visualization for these areas: In YOUR ideal world, what would each of these areas look like? How would you juggle them all or make time for them all? What is your mind/body telling you you need in each of these areas? Maybe you know you need to leave work at work and focus more time on your spouse and children or find time to do something for yourself or with friends more often; it could be anything.

3. SET GOALS for each of these areas. It may be something as simple as "organize my desk at work" or as deep as "have better communication with my significant other." Don't overload yourself here, I'm talking one maybe two goals for each. The best goals are those that are measurable and attainable. WRITE THESE DOWN!
-make daily lists, weekly lists and/or monthly lists as to when you want to have these completed and the steps it is going to take to get you there

 Finally, Prioritize prioritize prioritize!! In sociology class (about 100 years ago) our teacher showed us an “experiment/analogy” that has always stuck with me (and I’ve seen it show up on social media about a million times since then to). He took 2 jars, some big rocks, water, and some sand and did the following demonstration: in one jar he dumped in the sand, then the water and then tried to put in all the big rocks, it did not all fit; in the second jar he placed in all the big rocks, followed by the sand and lastly the water…it all fit. His response was, when we start with the big things, the important things, first, and then add the smaller more insignificant things in around them we can make everything fit; but if we start with the small, insignificant and superficial things we run out of space/time/energy for the big/important things. This being said, the aim of finding balance is to pick those BIG/IMPORTANT things and always put them first (your spouse, your kids, your friends, fitness, work, etc.) then fill it with the “other” things (games, social media, TV, etc.).

Here’s a real life example. Last winter I was working full time, going to school for my PhD, training for my first full marathon, raising two little boys, getting our house ready to sell, and trying to be a good wife. I put my family first, making time to have movie nights with my husband, checking in with my sons and husband at the dinner table (every night at the dinner table each of us talk about how our day was and what we did), and doing things as a family (movie nights, sledding, family walks when it was nice, etc.). Second on the list were my friendships; this included my monthly book club, yearly girls weekend, and random coffee/dinner dates with close friends thrown in the mix. Third was my PhD program. I have wanted to be a professor for quite a while (although dreams change and mine certainly has! But that is for another post…) so I began my program and set aside time each night to do homework (usually 7:30-10:30 or so at night after the kids went to bed and then several hours on the weekends). Then add to the list my job. I LOVE my job (95% of the time…). I have a tough job. I deal with tough situations all day long. It’s draining. My focus at work became being present in my environment and focusing only on what one person could truly attain (again, prioritizing my tasks: crisis response, weekly sessions with one on one and group focus, etc.). As my last “big” thing I had my marathon training. This did so much good for my mind, body, and soul. My running was my time to focus on ME, reflect on my day, my week, my goals. It also provided me with an amazing outlet for all that stress of studying and working a demanding job. BUT, there wasn’t a lot of time for this by the time I fit the other big things into my day…did I make excuses? HELL NO! I got my booty out of bed at 3:30 or 4:00 in the morning depending on how many miles I had to get in and I went to the gym!!

How did I keep it all straight and get it all done you ask? I set goals, I prioritized, and I focused which led to balance. SO don’t ever tell me “you don’t have time,” because I guarantee you, you can MAKE the time if you really chose to.