The race that wasn't...

Now that i've had a little time to cool down and I was able to get a few miles under my feet let me explain about todays events. I have been training for my 2nd marathon for 16 weeks, that's 4 months people. Hundreds of miles, sweat, exhaustion, soreness, etc. Not to mention the number of Gu's, chomps, and sports drinks consumed. I've ran in snow, below zero temps, wind, rain, heat. On gravel, pavement, trails, hills and in a couple states. This means early mornings out of bed and away from my family. It means getting up at 4am to get my strength training in so I can get my running in right after work or once my kids have gone to sleep (during the week).
For me, it also means at least a full week of horrible anxiety and race nerves. We're talking not sleeping, barely being able to eat, serious stress type anxiety. I understand it is not a rational thing, but anxiety rarely is. Believe me, if I could "just get over it" or not have it, I would, in a heartbeat.
Today was supposed to be my 2nd marathon. Set for a 6:30 start time I left my good friends house at 4:45 and headed to the start line. Around 5:30 we were informed due to the weather the start would be delayed one hour to 7:30 and they would make any additional announcements at 7am. At this point i'm not to concerned, but my anxiety has hit defcon 5.... I'm figuring out in my head what time that might have me finishing and what time that would make it by the time I get home to my family. By 7:20 we still had not heard anything so I walked to the start line and took my place in my pace group. Then, at 7:45 I was informed by a mass of other runners who were further up that the race had been canceled. Enter my devastation. To the point of tears. Yes, really, tears from me.
Now, if you're not a runner, do not be offended about what I say next, but I know only runners will probably understand this feeling of severe let down. I understand that my value as a runner is not determined by the bib number or a race medal. However, when you make a commitment, like running a marathon, you are making a commitment to more than just earning that medal and wearing that race bib. Personally, i'm making a commitment to FINISH that distance, to cross that finish line, to FEEL the power of my accomplishment, to know I can and did push my mind and body to do something amazing, and to know that all of those hours of training were worth it and I did everything I could to get the result I was striving for.
Now I have a race medal I do not feel I earned and a jacket I can't stand the thought of wearing because i'm not a "finisher." Again, something most runners will understand but everyone else will probably think we're crazy. For those of you who know me, and my personality well, you know this isn't something my overachieving self can allow.
Enter my own personal challenge. As I sat in my car at the start line looking at that medal and crying my silent crocodile tears I was talking with a good friend and fellow runner. Joann truly understands the level of my disappointment. The conversation went something like this: Me- cancelled. crying in the car. Joann-I'm so sorry!! Me-I'm so mad, I feel like I failed and I didn't even start. Joann-You didn't fail, at all. I'll drive you out 26.2, support you along the way, bring water, make a medal, and cheer you on!! Fast forward about 5 minutes into this conversation and you now have Joann and I planning my 26.2 endeavor for next Sunday... Yes really. I'm stubborn and hell bent on finishing this distance and setting a PR for MYSELF.
Check my Strengthandbeautyinmotion facebook page throughout the week for updates on how and when this is all going to go down!
To all of my family and friends who are always supporting my crazy running endeavors, thank you! I love you and am so thankful for all of you and your support!!

Hitting "reboot"

What do you do when you have a slip up? Do you say "UGH! Oh well, I'll get back on track on Monday" (even though Monday is five days away...)? OR do you forgive yourself, move on, and start fresh right away? I'm writing this to encourage you to take that second path! We ALL make mistakes! We all have an off day where we do not want to workout or where the Chinese buffet or donut shop call to us. We. Are. Human. What matters is how you view this "slip up" and how you choose to correct it. It is important to know that these things happen to all of us and by saying things like "oh i'll just start over on Monday" just does you (and your body!) a huge disservice! Look at it this way, lets say every three weeks you have one of these slip ups and it typically happens on say a Wednesday and you always say "oh well, I'll start over on Monday." That means that every three weeks you are losing roughly five days out of your healthy lifestyle change... You do the math on how many days that would be in six months or even a year. Remember my rant on "no excuses..." THIS right here is why. YOU have to choose the attitude you have regarding these slip ups. YOU have to determine how long you allow them to derail your healthy life plan. Forgive yourself, really evaluate WHY you chose that food or why you skipped that workout, make a plan for "next time," and MOVE ON! :) I promise you, you and your significant other, will be far happier this way! Trust me peeps, you know what I'm talking about... you have a rough day and then vent to your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, etc. about the horrible way you chose to eat that day or how you just cannot possibly come up with the energy to do your workout and they try to be encouraging (or maybe this is the 800th time they've heard this so they are less than encouraging...) but believe me they are feeling just as defeated as you are (about YOUR health and choices). Do both you, and them, a favor and just remember these things happen and instead of "starting over on Monday," start over NOW. HIT REBOOT immediately! The longer you utilize this forgiveness and reboot plan the easier it will become to make consistently better choices and to allow yourself the occasional indulgence without hating yourself for it and then over indulging because you "just give up!" Try it! Let me know how it works. :)

Obstacles...

We all face obstacles. We face obstacles in parenting, relationships, careers, etc. It's how we persevere and push through and overcome these obstacles that matters. Tonight I was reminded of an obstacle I face on a daily basis, one I can normally maneuver through/around, one I've learned to live with for nearly five years. I live with a mild traumatic brain injury. Yes, really... Nearly five years ago I was in a car accident that caused a fairly significant trauma to my head. This impacted my memory, ability to multi-task, emotional regulation and other things. This is not something I talk about. I talk about the accident and I talk about having a head injury. I do not talk about the life long effects that have "healed" as much as they ever will. Tonight I was reminded of my struggle when I was attempting a new workout. This workout requires you to do fast paced multiple step moves that involve moving both your arms and legs. This is VERY hard for me. Truthfully there were a couple I literally could NOT do no matter how hard I tried. I got fucking pissed, I yelled at the TV, I swore at myself, I wanted to cry (but I don't, so I didn't). One thing to know about me, I USE anger, I let it push me. Tonight, instead of throwing myself a pity party I turned that anger into determination. I fought through it and I finished that dam workout!
Why am I telling you this? I'm telling you this to show you that you can fight through any obstacle. That everyone has something (or multiple things) that they COULD use as an excuse to not fight, to not dig deep, to not persevere but i'm here to tell you that you SHOULDN'T use those things as excuses. Instead, use them to push you! So you have a full and busy life with several kids, have them workout WITH you, make it a family affair (dance parties, open gym at the local school, swimming at a local pool, etc.). So you're tired, guess what, the more you are active the less tired you are and the more energy you have!  So you work full time and "just can't find the time," guess what, a lot of people work full time, raise kids, train for big events, take classes, volunteer, etc. If you WANT to make it a priority, you WILL make the time to get it done!! I graduated with a 4.0 in my masters program while struggling with a traumatic brain injury. I've worked full time, raised children, trained for a marathon, and took classes towards my PhD ALL at the same time with a traumatic brain injury. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO! I am living proof of that. Obstacles are not meant to stop you, they are just meant to help you find a different path to your goal!    

Finding the balance...

In our crazy, hectic, 100mph, nonstop lives, it is so important to FIND YOUR BALANCE! I hear so many people say things like "I just don't have the time," "I work full time," "I have kids."

I'll be honest, I use to be one of those people.  Not anymore.  I am here to tell you that if I CAN find balance.  You can find balance.  Is it always easy?  No, but what important things in life are easy? 

Here is some background on why I needed to find balance and how I found it. To start off with I have kids (2 pinballs in human form that are constant noise and motion...).  I work full time WITH OTHER PEOPLES KIDS, middle schoolers none the less (I know, I don't know WHAT I was thinking....). Also, in the past five years while I was working full time I was also earning a masters degree and working towards a PhD.  On top of my work and family life, I am always training for a race of some kind (half marathon, full marathon, Ragnar Relays, etc.). 

The first thing you do in order to find your balance is erase the mindset that I DONT HAVE TIME and replace it with I WILL MAKE TIME. Here's why. You're stressed because you "don't have time" so you panic, you freak out, you become disorganized, ticked off, irritable and really generally not fun to be around. You're going to have to do the work whether you "have the time" or not, so how about we put the excuses on hold (personally I'd just toss them out the fucking window, but that's just me) and dig deep and find your balance.

Second, prioritize, determine the “why” for the things that need to be done, set limits and boundaries, make yourself a priority (which just an FYI when you do that your family realizes they are a bigger priority because you become less of a crazed looking lunatic running around like a five year old hopped on Jolt and pixie sticks...yes, I went there) and get rid of the bullshit (you know, those things you don't really need to do but insist you do...). Once you can manage this your life will balance out, you'll feel the calm settle over you and life will become far more rewarding.

SO now you're thinking, these are big and grand ideas, but how do I do this? Here are some tips:

1. Break your life into its respective sections (yes I realize they all weave together, but just try...): home/family, work, social life/friends, etc. Now take a minute and really think about each of these areas and how you "wish" you could improve on them or on the specific aspects of each that you may be letting slide.

2. Now use some visualization for these areas: In YOUR ideal world, what would each of these areas look like? How would you juggle them all or make time for them all? What is your mind/body telling you you need in each of these areas? Maybe you know you need to leave work at work and focus more time on your spouse and children or find time to do something for yourself or with friends more often; it could be anything.

3. SET GOALS for each of these areas. It may be something as simple as "organize my desk at work" or as deep as "have better communication with my significant other." Don't overload yourself here, I'm talking one maybe two goals for each. The best goals are those that are measurable and attainable. WRITE THESE DOWN!
-make daily lists, weekly lists and/or monthly lists as to when you want to have these completed and the steps it is going to take to get you there

 Finally, Prioritize prioritize prioritize!! In sociology class (about 100 years ago) our teacher showed us an “experiment/analogy” that has always stuck with me (and I’ve seen it show up on social media about a million times since then to). He took 2 jars, some big rocks, water, and some sand and did the following demonstration: in one jar he dumped in the sand, then the water and then tried to put in all the big rocks, it did not all fit; in the second jar he placed in all the big rocks, followed by the sand and lastly the water…it all fit. His response was, when we start with the big things, the important things, first, and then add the smaller more insignificant things in around them we can make everything fit; but if we start with the small, insignificant and superficial things we run out of space/time/energy for the big/important things. This being said, the aim of finding balance is to pick those BIG/IMPORTANT things and always put them first (your spouse, your kids, your friends, fitness, work, etc.) then fill it with the “other” things (games, social media, TV, etc.).

Here’s a real life example. Last winter I was working full time, going to school for my PhD, training for my first full marathon, raising two little boys, getting our house ready to sell, and trying to be a good wife. I put my family first, making time to have movie nights with my husband, checking in with my sons and husband at the dinner table (every night at the dinner table each of us talk about how our day was and what we did), and doing things as a family (movie nights, sledding, family walks when it was nice, etc.). Second on the list were my friendships; this included my monthly book club, yearly girls weekend, and random coffee/dinner dates with close friends thrown in the mix. Third was my PhD program. I have wanted to be a professor for quite a while (although dreams change and mine certainly has! But that is for another post…) so I began my program and set aside time each night to do homework (usually 7:30-10:30 or so at night after the kids went to bed and then several hours on the weekends). Then add to the list my job. I LOVE my job (95% of the time…). I have a tough job. I deal with tough situations all day long. It’s draining. My focus at work became being present in my environment and focusing only on what one person could truly attain (again, prioritizing my tasks: crisis response, weekly sessions with one on one and group focus, etc.). As my last “big” thing I had my marathon training. This did so much good for my mind, body, and soul. My running was my time to focus on ME, reflect on my day, my week, my goals. It also provided me with an amazing outlet for all that stress of studying and working a demanding job. BUT, there wasn’t a lot of time for this by the time I fit the other big things into my day…did I make excuses? HELL NO! I got my booty out of bed at 3:30 or 4:00 in the morning depending on how many miles I had to get in and I went to the gym!!

How did I keep it all straight and get it all done you ask? I set goals, I prioritized, and I focused which led to balance. SO don’t ever tell me “you don’t have time,” because I guarantee you, you can MAKE the time if you really chose to.

Jillian Michaels gave me the big "O"... ;)

No, but really, she did. I swear. This big O changed my perspective it was that good... OK OK ya sickos, i'm not talking about THAT big O, i'm talking about organic... Now, let me preface this post by saying I never really understood why people would pay extra for organic. I understood it on the most basic of levels. Mostly, I just saw it as something that was more expensive and probably a crock/rip off. Now, a few years ago I went to clean eating...or I THOUGHT I was clean eating... I gave up pop, I ate primarily chicken and turkey with fresh fruits and veggies, etc. and strictly limited the "junk food" in my diet. I did this in hopes that it would help with my thyroid condition which had assisted in me gaining nearly 30 pounds in two years... Yes, you read that correctly, and several of you that saw me struggle during that time can vouch for the fact that I ate seriously healthy, worked out like a crazy person and yet could NOT get the scale to budge... Honestly!
So now lets fast forward to my "slap my head" and "kick myself in the ass" moment... Enter Jillian Michaels. Say what you will about the woman. Yes, she's ruthless as one of TV's top trainers but that woman knows her stuff!! I finally started to see the scale budge a little bit over the past few months with limiting my diet (per the OK of my Doctor) and increasing my exercising even more but I was still lacking something. So I ordered Jillian Michaels book Master your Metabolism. I read it in ONE night y'all! The woman had me HOOKED on the big O! Reading her book I began to understand that THE reason to eat organic is to avoid ALL the chemicals they use to enhance meats, preserve foods and chemically alter the colors, textures and flavors of foods. I know, common sense right.... but did you know that by not eating organic food you're essentially causing your hormone levels to become unbalanced? Want to know what happens when we have an out of whack hormonal balance?? Think diabetes, prediabetes, metabolic syndrome, under-active thyroids (hypothyroidism...what I have...), poly-cystic ovarian syndrome, severe PMS and obesity/excess body fat....DAM right.... Does this have anyone else concerned?? It sure as hell freaked me out! And don't take my word for it, READ THE BOOK! Seriously, I highly recommend it. I won't take up your time citing all the physicians, chemists, agriculture specialists, endocrinologists, and the like that Jillian spent a lot of time interviewing and working with to collect all of the data. But she definitely turned me into an organic foodie! Just ask my husband... he thinks i'm cray-cray... ;) I literally am so psyched about making my family and myself healthier by switching to organic that I could literally go on and on and on....But I won't, promise (well not in this post anyway...). I will be here though if anyone has any questions about how we're making the switch, where we find the best organic things and how we are getting our kids on board... I know it's a GREAT book when it takes this many post it note markers to highlight all the "important" information... :) This lady rocks my world!

Choosing your path

In my 31 years (boy does it kill me to put that number out there...) my path has taken many different turns, climbed many different mountains and slid down many different ravines... Right now, in this moment, I feel like my path is finally smoothing itself out.  I am finding my way and learning where I want to be and how to get there. I’ll give you a little background, but I’m not going to get to in depth with any one thing just yet… There are a lot of posts yet to come. SO, where do I start...

Three years ago I started running and let me tell you, I HATED it for a while, and then it became less of a chore and more of an anchor. Now, I cannot imagine my life without running. I've also developed into the person that hates excuses...no but really, I loathe them! There just isn't enough time in our lives for excuses. While you're making up excuses someone else is out doing what you say you don't have time/money/energy/etc. for. I used to be one of those people! I used to think "When on earth would I have time for this, that, or something else?" Or worse, "What's the point?  Nothing I do seems to get me the results I want anyway?!" I'm telling you right now, CHANGE THAT THINKING! I did, and I am SO much happier for it! Let me give you an example...from my life... I have a thyroid condition, hypothyroidism (it slows my metabolism WAY down).  I have two children.  I work a full time very high stress job and at one point with all this going on was earning my Master’s degree AND working towards my PhD. If I had continued down the path of excuses, I would still be crabby, unhealthy, and mostly unhappy and making my family unhappy as well. Instead, once I changed my mindset, I became a 4.0 graduate student, runner, good wife, great mom, amazing social worker (sorry, but this is one area I KNOW I excel at...) and guess what, I got HEALTHY, HAPPY, and started losing some of that weight! Granted when I was marathon training, I got up at 3:30 or 4am to get to the gym in order to get my run/training out of the way so it would not impact my family time, but ya know what, I DID IT (and keep in mind I have a 50 minute commute, ONE way...). I could go on this rant FOREVER but I won’t (i'll just save it for another post at a later time... ;)).

So what now? Why am I telling you all of this? My path has led me to something that I feel will be an amazing opportunity for me (and maybe you!). I have joined Team Beachbody, under the amazing Sarah Walker-Ouellet. My ultimate goal is to someday run my own life coaching and consulting firm... oh crap, did I just really say that out loud... EEEEK! Team Beachbody is providing me with a great opportunity/starting point and I just can't pass it up. What does this mean you ask? Well, basically I get to test out some pretty awesome fitness and wellness products and report back on them to all of you, and if you are so inclined, help you gain access to them to try them yourselves.

Beware, it's about to get REAL up in here! Like posting before, during, and after pics... Double EEEK...

Follow me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/strengthandbeautyinmotion to get more in depth information on Team Beachbody, upcoming challenges, contests, and fitness/wellness information! First challenge will start at the end of this month!! Contact me for details!